


Just One More Pill

by CarnivalofBrokenDolls (yourrhinestoneeyes)



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Dirty Thoughts, Drug Abuse, Ed has guilt issues, Guilt, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Illness, Sex, hallucination oswald
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 02:53:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10732656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourrhinestoneeyes/pseuds/CarnivalofBrokenDolls
Summary: Ed knows the pills are not good for him, but neither are all these thoughts and memories of Oswald haunting every corner of his mind. He can't sleep, his mind is plagued with fantasies and thoughts of his friend.





	Just One More Pill

Ed tosses and turns in his bed unable to sleep. 

This isn’t a new occurrence, he hasn’t gotten a single second of sleep ever since Oswald’s death. There are many unwanted, intrusive thoughts that race through his mind when he’s drowning in darkness. The sheets feel suffocating, they smell like Oswald.

Why does he sleep in his bed?

Well try to sleep that is.

He closes his eyes tightly, tight enough that his eyes begin to ache.

Even without taking the drugs, Oswald is haunting him. Heavy hanging reminders of him remain in every space of the mansion, reminders of him in the spacious bedroom. The mornings they spent up in this room talking while Oswald would get dressed, the appreciative looks Oswald would give him. Looks that nobody in his life had ever given him.

Green eyes haunt him, in his mind he remembers every expression on his friend’s sharp features. He remembers his nervous smiles, his wolf like grins, his snarling when he was bubbling over with rage. The light in his eyes that danced like dangerous flames, the way he would look at Ed with a gentle look. A look that hinted at a danger that before now Ed couldn’t understand.

He understands it now. He understands the parted lips, Oswald swiping his tongue across his bottom lip, the way his long lashes batted. 

Ed chews his bottom lip as he thinks about it, pictures it. The shy nature that over took a vicious monster of a man. A man who would hug him tightly, press kisses to his shoulder that he didn’t think Ed could feel. 

For a moment, his hands itch to reach for the small box on the bedside table, to pop out one of the lethal white pills, chew it tasting the metallic contents of the capsule. 

He can see him, he needs to see him, talk to him, and above all feel him. Ed’s craving for Oswald’s nervous laughter and his lingering glances, the heat of gentle hands touching him. Hands that normally wield knives and guns, dampened with the blood of any poor bastard who dare cross him. Hands he wants on him, caressing him, grabbing him, and possibly a hand on his throat holding him down against this bed….

He lets out a shaky breath, he places his left hand against his throat, squeezing gently. He feels himself tense, he can feel his pulse thrumming beneath his fingers, he tightens his grip and grits his teeth as he imagines Oswald. He wants those hands on him, the risk of just dying beneath that magnificent man. He releases his grip, fingers lightly trailing down from his throat to his chest, down over his stomach and stopping at the waist band of his boxer shorts.

He can almost feel the weight of Oswald’s small frame on top of him, straddling him. Warm breath puffing against his face as his friend laughs nervously, his fingers playing with Ed’s hair as he peppers his face with small adoring kisses. Ed wants to show him how gentle he can be, how he can treat him like a work of art that deserves the finest treatment.

Ed palms himself through his shorts, he grinds up against his hand letting out a small gasp.

He knows that Oswald would have a gentle touch, he would be so cautious and unsure of himself at first. Roughness and unbridled passion would only come with time and Ed’s moans of encouragement begging his lover for more.

Real Oswald would not have the bold sexual nature of his hallucination. He wouldn’t be breathy moans and ‘fuck me’ eyes across the room.

Ed wants to be gentle and slow with him, he wants to kiss and feel every scar that is marring his soft pale flesh. He wants to trace them with his tongue and lips, he wants to hear Oswald’s soft breathy moans as he quietly begs Ed to touch him more. Long fingers knotted in his hair pushing him down until he’s nestled between Oswald’s legs. He wants to mouth his erection through his underwear, he wants to tease his bird until he’s a writhing mess on the bed.

He slips his hand under the waistband of his underwear, he lightly trails his fingers down the length of his half hard cock moving to his balls. He fondles himself, fingers running over his balls as he thinks about Oswald. He wonders how he would handle him, how much would he use his tongue?

Ed loses himself in the thought, the image of Oswald holding his hard heavy cock in his hand while licking it all over. Those piercing green eyes locked on Ed as he teases him with his mouth.

He removes his hand from himself and reaches over to the table, his fingers touch the small metal box, he pauses, he had meant to reach for the bottle of lube. He opens his eyes and looks over at the small metal box, he caresses its smooth surface as he thinks about its contents. Just one or two and his heart will be racing, his head will feel light, a sharp pain, and his saving grace will be there. He can have Oswald any way that he would like him.

Ed’s mind goes back to before, the red bathing the room, Oswald in a gorgeous suit. The eyes he gave him, the movements of his mouth as he serenaded him in such a sensual way. The look in those eyes, the exposure of his neck….

Before he knows it he’s opening the box and shoving two pills between his lips, he bites down on the capsules breaking them open. His eye twitches at the burn and taste of the medicine within, it melts on his tongue, the plastic capsules and the rest of the speed goes down his throat. He feels his body tense, feels that sort of tremor course through him.

Now there is a weight on him this time, a weight he can’t ignore even if he tried, and he does not want to ignore this.

Ed turns his full attention to the man straddling him. He doesn’t know when the sheet was pulled down, but it is now shoved to the foot of the bed, Oswald is completely naked and on top of him. He can feel his ass pressing back against his erection, he finds himself moving his hips forward just for the sake of friction.

Oswald smirks down at him, he stares down at him with a look so like the one he’d been giving him before. He places his hands on either side of Ed’s head, fingers gently caressing him. Oswald leans forward, ass pressing more firmly against him, his face is now just mere inches from his own.

“Why Ed you do have quite the dirty mind, don’t you?” He whispers against his lips.

“You look beautiful.”

He means it, he’s never meant anything more in his life. 

Ed sighs when lips press against his, a kiss that begins oh so gentle, just like he thought it would be. 

“What do you want from me, Ed?” He asks, nuzzling his nose against Ed’s cheek.

“Just help me feel less alone.”

He moves his hands to Oswald’s hips; his skin is warm and soft. He digs his fingertips into his skin knowing that if this was real there would be bruises the following morning. In the distance, he hears the song from earlier playing like an ever-haunting reminder of his true loneliness.

Ed is distracted by lips pressing against his neck, he sighs heavily. He finds himself grinding up against the smaller man, Oswald moans against his skin, teeth sinking into his shoulder. The sharp bite draws a hiss from Ed, he begs him to bite him again, bite him harder. 

Oswald chuckles, “Why aren’t you the little pain addict?”

“Please, please Oswald.”

A warm tongue presses against the marks on his skin, marks he deep down knows aren’t real. This isn’t real, he isn’t real. The nagging reminder in his brain hurts like hell.

He’s pulled from the depressive truth of reality when he feels something warm and wet against his cock.

Ed looks down to see Oswald between his legs, one hand gripping the base of his cock. He’s teasingly running his tongue up along the underside, he takes the tip in his mouth sucking gently. He reaches down placing a hand on his head, fingers combing through soft locks of black hair.

He can’t take his eyes off of him, Oswald pulls back allowing him to watch his tongue swiping back and forth over the tip of his cock, his eyes are now half lidded, his hand slowly works his shaft as he takes him back into his mouth.

This beautiful man, he’s considered this more times than he’d ever be willing to admit. 

“Ah oh fuck, Oswald…” he moans out.

Oswald is gripping his hips, he can feel his fingers pushing inside of him. Teeth bite his neck, a moment later a tongue is in his mouth, and Ed is moaning. He feels Oswald’s body press firmly against him, fingers stretching his hole open. He bucks his hips rubbing his erection against Oswald’s stomach, he cries into his friend’s mouth when those long fingers press and rub against his prostate. 

Ed digs his nails into Oswald’s back.

“Scream for me, Eddie….” He whispers against his ear.

“Oswald, please I need you. God, I need you so badly.”

This time when he feels overwhelmed by him it’s in a good way, he’s in sensory over drive. He yells out Oswald’s name when he feels his cock pushing inside of him. He’s filling him up, the scent of sex and sweat and an expensive cologne fill his senses. He wraps his legs around his back pulling him down closer and pulling him in deeper until he’s balls deep inside his ass.

“You look perfect like this Ed, blushing, and moaning for me. I never would have guessed you to be this way in bed, always begging for more.” 

He kisses across Ed’s chest, teeth nip at his skin as he slowly thrust into him. He ignores him when he begs him to just fuck him into oblivion, his hips continue to move at a slow steady pace. He’s taking his time, nails digging into Ed’s skin, teeth and tongue teasing his skin. Oswald flicks his tongue back and forth across his right nipple then onto the left. 

Ed doesn’t know when or how, but now he’s the one on top. Oswald’s cock is still buried deep inside him, he can feel his stiffness filling him up. He places his hands on the other man’s chest and leans down kissing him passionately. He can feel Oswald smiling against his lips, he swallows whatever snide remark his sexual partner is more than likely wanting to make. At least in this position Ed can have what he wants, what he craves. He fucks himself against him, Oswald’s hands grip his hips guiding him with each hard barely rhythmic thrust. Ed’s hair is curled and hanging over his face, Oswald reaches up brushing it away from his face. 

“I love you” He whispers against the dead man’s lips.

Oswald kisses his cheek, the bridge of his nose, and then his lips. There is no reply, but Ed knows how he feels, he heard it repeated for hours on end like a helpless prayer to an uncaring God. 

He feels a deep wave of emotion take him over, tears fill his eyes. He feels Oswald’s hand on his cock stroking him frantically, matching the erratic movements of his hips. Ed feels so close to the edge, so close to cumming and ending this beautiful and yet torturous dream. 

“It’s okay, cum for me Ed….You always know how to find me.” He assures him throwing a quick glance to the small box on the table.

Ed buries his face against his chest, he bites his lip until the skin breaks and bleeds. He cums hard onto the other man’s stomach, his strokes slow as he rides out his orgasm and his cock softens.

When he opens his eyes again he is straddling a body pillow, he taste blood on his lips, cum stains the black pillow case. Ed begins the process of clean up, of removing the dildo from his ass, he removes the pillow case tossing it to the floor, he goes into the bathroom to clean himself up.

Sleep will not happen, he spends thirty minutes in the bath tub soaking and crying, legs pulled up against his chest. He never realizes just how alone he is until the drugs wear off and Oswald leaves him. He hates him for leaving, he hates himself even more for being the reason he’s gone in the first place.

He tells himself that he will get dressed, work on his blueprints, and then if he really feels like he needs it he will take another pill. Just to see him, to talk to him, and get his disapproval for the hundredth time.


End file.
